Even if it Hurts: A Toxic Romance Read online

  Even if it Hurts

  (Coastal Elite, #1)

  By Sam Mariano

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination, or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Even if it Hurts (Coastal Elite, #1) Copyright © 2022 Sam Mariano

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. Thank you for not being a pirate!

  Table of Contents

  Dedication

  Author’s Note

  Playlist

  Prologue

  Chapter one

  Chapter two

  Chapter three

  Chapter four

  Chapter five

  Chapter six

  Chapter seven

  Chapter eight

  Chapter nine

  Chapter ten

  Chapter eleven

  Chapter twelve

  Chapter thirteen

  Chapter fourteen

  Chapter fifteen

  Chapter sixteen

  Chapter seventeen

  Chapter eighteen

  Chapter nineteen

  Chapter twenty

  Chapter twenty-one

  Chapter twenty-two

  Chapter twenty-three

  Chapter twenty-four

  Chapter twenty-five

  Chapter twenty-six

  Chapter twenty-seven

  Chapter twenty-eight

  Chapter twenty-nine

  Chapter thirty

  Chapter thirty-one

  Chapter thirty-two

  Chapter thirty-three

  Chapter thirty-four

  Chapter thirty-five

  Chapter thirty-six

  Chapter thirty-seven

  Chapter thirty-eight

  Chapter thirty-nine

  Chapter forty

  Chapter forty-one

  Chapter forty-two

  Chapter forty-three

  Chapter forty-four

  Chapter forty-five

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  Also by SAM MARIANO

  About the Author

  Dedication

  Jacob Elordi,

  For inspiring me.

  You’re one hell of an actor.

  Author’s Note

  Before we dive in, I figure I should get some warnings out of the way.

  If you’re here for a lovely, upstanding hero, you have come to the wrong place. This isn’t the book for you. This one’s a real bastard. He’s manipulative and spoiled. He’s fickle and controlling. He does what he has to do to get his way. He will do shit you will not like. This is not a healthy relationship. I do not condone these things in real life (IRL, I’m actually a pretty big stickler for being a good human), and if you meet a Dare in the real world, you should run like the wind.

  This is not real life. It is fiction where we are totally free to safely (and without guilt) have experiences outside of our own and enjoy the thrilling ride of being with batshit crazy heroes we would actually throat-punch and/or call the cops on in the real world.

  I write a lot of bad guys, but I feel like this one really sneaks up on you. It’s sinister the way things unfold. Is it romance? Not in the traditional sense. This is a very dangerous, toxic relationship. But I love dark romance, and I feel like the bully genre lends itself to a bit of dark romance. I will never apologize for writing bad guys. It’s fun to dream up psychos, and I write to entertain—myself and you. I write for adults who I expect to have their own good judgment and not use my books as relationship manuals (and that is especially true with this one). Want to know what it’s like to bang a villain? Get it, girl. No harm done. None of these people are real, so they can’t cause any real damage unless you have triggers.

  So, let’s talk triggers. If you don’t want any spoilers, skip the rest of this note.

  YES. There are triggers. A grocery list if I itemized them all, but let’s suffice it to say shit in here is DUBIOUS, twisted, toxic, disturbing, occasionally violent/abusive, and morally sketchy at best. I’ll add a TW in this one you don’t usually see in my books because even for one of my manipulative heroes, Dare is… a lot. If you have been in an abusive relationship with someone who teeters on the brink of violence and find reading about them triggering, please skip this book. Is there cheating? Kinda, but not really. There’s a big asterisk next to it which I won’t explain because it’s part of the plot. There is no cheating between the hero and heroine. I do not personally like cheating between the hero and heroine in books. I like my hero willing to do anything for his heroine, not out there betraying her. If the “cheating” in this book made you want to throw your kindle, I would be surprised. That said, there are plenty of other things that might make you want to throw your kindle! This is not a story for the safety squad. Like I said, this hero isn’t a nice person, and he does some pretty ruthless stuff.

  Lastly, I know some romance readers tend to be exceptionally hard on heroines in a way they aren’t on heroes, so I would caution you to remember that if Aubrey only made perfect choices, she would not end up with Dare and there would be no story.

  Dare is a walking red flag. Spending time with him isn’t smart. There’s honestly no way around that. He’s a bad guy. So, if I want to give him a love story, I have to give him a heroine who can still fall for him and love him despite his many flaws. This is not one of those books where he starts out bad and then changes into a teddy bear for the girl (regardless of jokes Dare might make). This is a book where the bad guy stays the bad guy and gets the girl, so if that makes you ragey, this book will, too!

  An endlessly stubborn, fighting tooth and nail, never-backs-down heroine would not make it with Dare. He would not want her. He wants Aubrey.

  The power imbalance in this book is nowhere near even. That isn’t Aubrey’s fault. Some people might think, “If she just demanded more power, she would get it,” but that’s just not true. Dare is not that kind of hero. He’s not terribly flexible. If Aubrey called his bluffs when he didn’t want her to, she would not like what happened next—and neither would you, probably, because it would not be him going, “Aw, shucks, she’s such a badass. I underestimated her. I guess I have to back down,” it would be him TORCHING EVERYTHING and shattering the world around her until she had nowhere left to turn but him, and she is rocking and sobbing in a crater where her life used to be, heartbroken and begging for mercy… because he’s a villain.

  Dare is not afraid to play dirty to get his way. Expecting their relationship to fit inside a normal box is setting up for disappointment. They don’t fit. They never will.

  They are also young.

  I know I made a lot of dumbass decisions when I was Aubrey’s age for someone considerably less persuasive than Dare.

  Aubrey is still learning. So is Dare. ;)

  And this isn’t the last we will see of these characters. The Coastal Elite world is just beginning and I’m so excited for it! Hopefully, you will be, too. :)

  This book is intended for a mature, adult audience. I hope you enjoy!

  Playlist

  Sweet Little Lies - bülo

  Shameless - Camila Cabello

  Honestly - Gabbie Hanna

  Just the Same - Charlotte Lawrence

  Joke’s on You - Charlotte Lawrence

/>   Toxic - Britney Spears

  Plot Line - emlyn

  Bored - Billie Eilish

  Boyfriend - Dove Cameron

  Prologue

  Aubrey

  This is the story of an absolute psycho.

  A pair of them, actually.

  It all started one day while I was at work, and the school mean girl Anae came in with a return I couldn’t process.

  The article she brought in wasn’t even from our store. I turned over the fuchsia top and looked for a tag anyway, but there wasn’t one. The top had clearly been worn, too. There were faint pit stains underneath each arm.

  Pushing the mound of material back across the counter, I told her politely, “I’m sorry, this item isn’t eligible for return.”

  She had been talking to her entourage while I did my thing, but when I effectively told her she couldn’t have her way, she turned, her glossy strawberry blonde locks catching the light, and stared at me as if I were a lower life form. “Excuse me?”

  I offered an apologetic look. “I can’t give you a refund for this.”

  “Why?”

  “It wasn’t purchased here.”

  “Yes, it was.”

  “No, it wasn’t.”

  Her eyes narrowed at me. “Are you calling me a liar?”

  “Of course not,” I said, equipped with my best customer service smile. “Maybe you bought a lot of things that day and some were from here, but this wasn’t. We’ve never carried this top before. And without tags or a receipt, a return is pretty much impossible. I’m sorry.”

  She didn’t touch the lump of material on the counter. She continued to glare at me coolly before saying, “You go to our school, don’t you?”

  Anae has never spoken to me before, so I was honestly surprised she even knew that. “Yes.”

  “Then you know who I am.”

  “I do.”

  “Is that why you won’t put through my return? Is this some sort of pathetic jealousy thing?”

  “No,” I said, hating life and my need for a job. Why couldn’t I have just been born rich so I could live large on Mommy and Daddy’s dime like she did?

  That was the most insane part of all of it. Anae's rich! She didn’t need to return the top, yet she made such a big deal about it.

  “I want to speak to the manager.”

  “The manager isn’t in right now,” I told her. “But if she were, she would tell you the same thing. We can’t return a shirt that wasn’t purchased at this store. We literally cannot do it. If you take the top back to the store you did buy it from, maybe you can return it there.”

  Pushing the material back across the counter without breaking my gaze, she said, “Put my fucking return through so I can leave this crappy little boutique and never come back.”

  “I literally can’t.”

  “If you don’t, there will be consequences.”

  What does that even mean? “Look, if you want to call back later and talk to the manager, you can, but no one will give you a different answer than I have. If I could do this return for you, I would. If I possessed a time machine and I could only use it once, I would use it to go back in time and stock this shirt at this store just so I could do this return for you now, but alas, I cannot. There is nothing I can do for you.” I glanced behind her pointedly to a woman with a few articles of clothing draped over her arm, waiting to check out. “Now, if you’ll please step aside so I can help the next customer, that would be amazing.”

  Anae’s cold glare could save the polar ice caps if she used her powers for good instead of evil. “Remember this day, Aubrey,” she said, her gaze flickering to my nametag. “Because it’s the day you put yourself on my shit list, and trust me—that is not a place you want to be.”

  I wasn’t really sorry she wasn’t getting her way for once in her whole life, but I flashed her sympathetic eyes and lied like any good retail worker would have. “I’m really sorry.”

  She snatched her blouse off the counter. “You will be.”

  Anae tossed her hair and turned around, dismissing me and storming away in one fluid motion, her two minions right on her undoubtedly expensive heels.

  I sighed, knowing she’s exactly the type of person who would call my boss and try to get me in trouble even though I did nothing wrong.

  “I love my job,” I muttered sarcastically to myself.

  The next woman in line smiled sympathetically as she placed her items on the counter.

  “Did you find everything you were looking for today?” I asked her cheerfully.

  “Yes, thank you.”

  Her manners felt nice after Mean Girl Barbie lashed out over nothing.

  As the sane customer thanked me and started toward the door with her shopping bag, I decided to text my boss. I needed to tell her what had happened so I could get ahead of it. If I waited until after Anae called with her version of the story, it would be harder to feasibly explain mine. I mean, aside from the seriously unhinged, who would actually try to get a person in trouble for not refunding a top that wasn’t purchased at our store?

  But when people do shit that crazy and you have to try to respond to it, more often than not, you come off looking like the crazy one.

  Chapter one

  Aubrey

  It’s days later at school when one of Satan’s little helpers approaches me.

  I’m standing in the cafeteria line. I blink a few times when I realize the girl who stopped in front of me isn’t just waiting for a crowd to ease so she can sneak past—she approached me on purpose and is waiting for me to look at her.

  So I do. We’ve never spoken, but I know her name is Mallory Cantrell. She’s pretty, her curly hair tied up in a high pony, her Easter green top showcasing her cleavage even though it’s against the school dress code.

  “Hey. Aubrey, right?”

  Cautious, I nod.

  She smiles, her straight white teeth standing out against her dark complexion. “I thought so. I’m Mallory.”

  “I know.”

  “Right.” She doesn’t pretend to be surprised that I’m sure of her name, but she wasn’t sure of mine. “We met at the store the other day. Kind of. I was there with Anae.”

  The line moves ahead of me so I take a step forward.

  She moves with me. “Anyway, I wanted to say sorry about her whole demonstration of psycho bitchiness.”

  I crack a smile since she’s being nice. If I were in her shoes, I’d be embarrassed, too. Of course, if I were in her shoes, I would have said something at the store when my friend was in desperate need of a Snickers. “It’s okay, not your fault.”

  “She’s really used to getting her way, so when she doesn’t, she has no clue how to deal with it.”

  “Her parents clearly haven’t done the world any favors there.”

  Mallory smiles, dropping her gaze. “Yeah, so I thought I’d extend an olive branch. Tomorrow night, we’re all meeting up at Anae’s boyfriend’s house for a party. You should come. Bring a friend. It’ll be fun. There will be drinks and pizza and lots of cool people. He has a killer pool, so bring a bikini.”

  That’s definitely not going to happen, but just in case Mallory also isn’t accustomed to being told no, I flash her a smile. “Thanks. I’ll see if I’m free, maybe I’ll stop by.”

  She blinks. “Oh.” Momentarily lost for words, she looks around as if for some cue from a stage manager on what she’s supposed to do next. Poor thing, she’s a marionette with no puppet master.

  “Was there something else?” I ask.

  Her gaze snaps back to me, her pretty face set in a frown. “I don’t know. I don’t feel like we’re cool. Maybe you could sit with us today.”

  “No, thanks.” I say it with a smile so she’s not offended, but I can’t imagine anything less enjoyable than sitting with our school’s answer to The Plastics. Besides, I have more important stuff to do.

  Her frown deepens with annoy
ance and confusion. “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah. No offense. I appreciate the invite, I just kinda like having my lunch break to decompress and eat my food. I don’t like sitting with people.”

  “That’s… so weird.”

  The line moves, so I step forward and shrug. “I guess.”

  She looks back over her shoulder. This time, I follow her gaze and see she’s looking to Anae for some clue as to what she should do next.

  Anae’s eyes bulge at her with wordless reprimand, as if she’s gone off-script and Anae isn’t happy about it.

  That’s not suspicious at all.

  Mallory turns back to me, opens her mouth like she’s going to say something else, then promptly turns and walks back to her table without another word.

  “Poor thing short-circuited.” I shake my head, amused at my own commentary, and shift my focus to the food behind the counter. I haven’t decided what I want to eat yet, but I’m starving, so I really wish this line would hurry up.

  ___

  When the school day ends, I make my way home as quickly as possible.

  I have a lot to do tonight. So much that just thinking about it exhausts me, but I suck it up and paint a smile on my face as I head inside with my school bag slung over my shoulder.

  Mom is sitting on her recliner in the living room. I flash her my brightest smile. “Hey, Mom.”

  “Hey, honey. How was school today?”

  “School was good,” I tell her.

  I consider letting her know I was invited to a party just so she has the impression my peers like me, but I decide not to. Knowing her, she would tell me to go and have fun, and there’s no way I’m going to that party. I’d rather spend my weekend with her doing what we already planned to do.

  Dropping my bag from my shoulder, I tell her, “I’m going to take a quick shower and decontaminate, then I’ll get dressed and we can start dinner.”

  “I can’t wait,” she says with a smile as I head for the hall.